I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize