I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
i out mim tonsoeep
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