The maid of honor just puked.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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