hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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