well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
