yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
