your room smells of hookers.
And success
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
