my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
