I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
