obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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