I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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