i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
