my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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