I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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