Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
