next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
