If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
