Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Randomize
