Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
