My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
