I've blown a few things in my day
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
