I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
