Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize