they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
