remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
