Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
