I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
