I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
