I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
