Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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