proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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