at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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