i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Did we literally take a cab across the street
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
