i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
