Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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