Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize
