I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize