I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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