is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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