Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize