I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
