Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
