all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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