I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I think I just sharted jello shots
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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