when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
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