Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
