You don't have asthma, your pregnant
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
