Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Sober January is a disaster.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
