Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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