how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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