Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
