how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
