i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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