so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
