How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
