Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is my gift to your gina
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
