i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
