i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
