Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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