She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
