I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
