Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize