I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
