Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
