lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
