I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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