Swine flu. Run for my life!
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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