Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
