It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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